What is the best 90 day workout program for beginners?

If you are a beginner, you’d be crazy to try to jump into the Insanity workouts. They are so demanding that you can’t seriously consider it until you’re in better shape.

What do you think of CrossFit?

I’d be rather cross if you joined. Those are for workout junkies who need an adrenaline high on top of the natural high of endorphins from exercise.

I heard it gets you really toned.

CrossFit thinks women double jumping rope so hard they wet themselves and people who work out until their muscles literally explode are just ultra hard core.

I want muscles that explode.

CrossFit has jokes about Uncle Rabdo, referring to rhabdomyolysis, muscle death that poisons the kidneys. While people joke about having a body to die for, dialysis and permanently scarred muscles aren’t a laughing matter.

What then is a good workout plan?

Start one of those routines where you get in shape on the couch.

I know those electrodes on your stomach is a waste of time and money.

I’m referring to routines where you do leg lifts while laying on the couch, doing bicep curls, stretches and such. Even sit stands a hundred times every hour are a good starting place for a couch potato.

That will hardly get me in shape.

It is a good start for a week while you’re body gets used to a workout beyond carrying the groceries in. Then you can start on a walking regimen or elliptical machine.

Or I could start jogging.

The only time I think I’ve seen you run is chasing down the ice cream truck.

It was a garbage truck.

That’s a sprint, and it shouldn’t be the extent of your workout routine. Since jogging wears out your knees and ankles, start with a gentler routine you can sustain.

I want something with more impact.

So sign up for Zumba or a beginners aerobics class. Just something fun enough that you’ll keep going.